“Hi whats your name?”
“Rob and yours?”
What comes next? What is the next crucial piece of information? What can I find out that will define this person for me? Well, of course, the next crucial question is…
“What do you do?”
What do you do? Am I that easy to define? OK, lets say I was an ostrich farmer… would that make me less worthy to talk to than a Marketing Manager , or a Airline Pilot? I don’t think so I don’t think anyone reading this thinks that either… My next question is usually, “Hows it going?” or “Are you enjoying it here in Spain?” I try and completely avoid the What-do-you-do?
Personally, I’m sick of answering the damn question with “as little as I can get away with.”
So as a change to my scheduled blog, here are a few ideas for alternate answers to this inane question;
Hey, nice to meet you What do you do?
•I’m the guy that stamps the serial-numbers on condoms
•I’m currently spreading the good news about our lord and saviour Jesus Christ
•I taste test dog food
•Nothing right now, I was only released a month ago
•Cocaine, Heroin, Speed, LSD.
•Mainly human females
•Foreplay for the most part but it depends on the money.
•I make hats out of tinfoil, otherwise the mother-ship will fly right past!
•Whatever the voices in my head tell me to do.
• I read the graffiti in public bathrooms
•I’m searching for the lost city of Atlantis I don’t suppose you’ve seen it have you?
OK, please feel free to add to this list, I’ve started you off with ten You don’t need to be on my friends list to do it.
Here are some responses I had on back when I originally posted this article…
very clever Grams, very clever. xXx
Publicado por andie en jueves, junio 29, 2006 – 5:05
* I prove Darwin was wrong (then I fling some of my shit at the person asking).
* How much have you got?
* Dismiss bands on production value alone.
* Ignore warnings. Can I offer you a glass of Demestos?
* Think about tits when you’re talking.
* Sit on park benches looking through newspapers with dirty great spy holes cut in them.
* Chew imaginary gum.
* Wear shirts straight out of the packet and sneer at people without creases down the front of theirs.
* Gasp when people tell me thier name.
That’s a few of the things I do. I borrowed the first one from Will, mind.
Publicado por Eddie en viernes, junio 30, 2006 – 12:51
Hey man, how’s tricks? . . . Well it’s just about midnight on a friday on a warmer than average day in York and I am sat here at my pc in total sobriety . . . therefore denying the possibility someone will ask me ‘what i do’ . . . but this could all very well change tomorrow evening . . . so maybe i’ll try one of these . . .
~ I’m sorry, I don’t speak English.
~ I keenly observe the world that i have created for you humans.
~ I design corn circles.
~ I’m the guy who decides how deep the intrusion at the base of a bottle of wine is.
~ You know, i’ve never really thought about it, i’m afraid i don’t really know.
~ I test crash helmets . . . i’m sorry what? . . . . oh, i’m wearing one now . . . i do apologise . . . thankyou for letting me know . . . that could have been embarassing.
~ I spend my day in the midst of society imagining the various and ways that all those around me will die.
~ I impersonate arseholes . . . what do you do?
~ I sit in quiet reflection, secure in the knowledge that ‘one day’ i will be able to harness the power of the force.
~ I write music and lyrics that i know no one else will ever hear.
To be fair you could probably say almost any of these to the people who ask the question as nine times out of ten unless they pick up on ley words that interest them they won’t even compute the response . . . or maybe that’s just the lack of respect they show me because i’m ginger and resemble an ape . . . damn!!